Tick Tock

Its been a bit since i've done an update, certainly not because nothing has happend but because everything has happend !!!

Kaya is back ! which is the big thing, and now my life is feeling a bit more complete again. Im so useless without my soul mate, despite all my friends been with me.

One thing that is laying heavy on my mind at the moment is the way I distribute my time and attention between my two lives. I spend around 5 hours a day in SL Mon-Friday, then very possibly 12-16 hours over the weekend. Thats a wapping 41 hours a week !! and gives an indication of just how important it is to me. And, when im not in SL im thinking about it and looking forward to being there. Although i dont see anything wrong with devoting such time and energy to SL, I know I neglect important people and duties in my First life and I know that unless I want to court disastor, this current level is unsustainable.

Knowing this does'nt make finding a balance any easier. Over the years of my cyber world addiction i've become an expert in juggerling my time and commitments around my second exsistance, but at what cost ?

The Show goes on

Its been a little while since I did an update, life has been quite busy in both worlds. It's quite hard running the The Purple Rose without Kaya. One of the most important components of success within SL is having a solid and passionate team around you and at the moment the team is very short handed. People expect things to run 24/7, they want to be able to log on anytime they like and have an event going on at their favourite place, thats what drives customer loyality. So the real secret is to have a big team that can cover lots of different time slots. There are two main problems in expanding the team. Firstly, its a commitment and many just dont want to HAVE to be there at scheduled times, and secondly they need to be paid so venues have to raise enough Money to pay Wages. Just like first life - no difference at all.

Im now collect quite a list of 'issues' that need to be addressed to move the Rose onto the next level. Time for a good think.

Let there be Light !

So last night, I went to SL Church... again. I've been three times this week, almost more times than I've ever been in RL. Being HSP, I seem to be attracted to events and people without really understanding why and this is certainly no exception. I have never really been a religious person, and I certainly wouldn't describe myself as a christian but the concept of religion in SL absolutely fascinates me, especially when the 'events' are truly emotional. So its a bit like a church service, but everyone is listening/speaking using voice chat and sharing their feelings and experiences in life that give them both joy and sadness. Its so obvious that their god is so much part of their thoughts and feelings. Even the minister( who is also a minister in first life), exposed his deepest vulnerabilities and shared how he 'turned to god'. So human. I felt so touched and emotional that I really did start to cry over the keyboard..... again..... (new keyboard on order).

This has triggered off some thoughts in my mind about the emotional side of SL. It is indeed a very emotional environment, in fact many of my emotions feel magnified and more intense than in first life. I think that during our first life we have to bottle so much just to keep balance and function. There is often a price to be paid for demonstrating feelings. But in second life, I certainly feel more at liberty to express how I feel, probably because the consequences are perceived to be lower. kinda.... perhaps..... maybe..... What I can defiantly say is that in SL I've felt real Love, real friendship, real sadness , real joy and also real loneliness.

I like the church people. I'll hang there for a while.

It was loud, and proud

Great event Friday night. Thank you to everyone who attended and helped to make it a big success. I was so relieved, I put so much effort into it.. I think this is a bit of a model for how we will plan events in the future. The competition board worked really well.

It was such a different type of event that we usually do, but i think that been flexible about what themes you can provide works so much better for 'event' driven venues.

Here's a couple of picks :-)

On another note, I sense that we are all buzzing with new ideas and enthusiasm for expanding the Rose's membership and fun factor, which is great. There is even the possibility of started to do a few events in US time. However, i have a niggling feeling that we are forgetting something important. Money. We need to make some to expand and so far we haven't really got to grips with been self supporting yet.

Girls loud and proud. Friday 13th 3pm SLT at the Purple rose

Its been a busy week with a few first life crisis' to deal with, but being able to run into my Second life helps. I am sooooooooo missing Kaya. Although I have my friends to talk to, they all have there own individual lives. I just so want to sit by a stream with Kaya and talk about whats going on, how I feel, and go on our random visits around the world. I had one of those 'oh my god' moments last night and spilled the contents of my heart out to Kezzy, just while she was hosting a busy event in Dublin. Shes a real Gem.

I have also spent a significant time this week preparing for tonight event at the rose. Tonight its "Girls loud and Proud", an evening of the greatest party music from female artists. I made some props and I'm going to really dress up the hall. Lights, dance floor, poles, cages :-).... the works.
Not exactly the usual type of event we have at the Rose but we are all for exploring new ideas. I've spent a lot of energy on this one and will be gutted if we don't get a reasonable number of people attending.

In some ways, its quite difficult to know and define the 'right' type of event for the Rose. Maybe the Rose as we know it should really be more dedicated to performance events and we should build somewhere else to party and have fun hmmmm " The Black Rose"......., naaaahhhhh....... the "The Purple petal".... hmmmm not bad. :-)

Hope to see you all tonight... at the Purple Rose.

Show time.

Last night at the Rose we hosted a live performance by Elvera Lerner. The SIM was soooo laggy that many of those who turned up had to leave :-( I was so pleased to see we can pull in a crowed 40+, but I think Ive decided that events of this size and complexity just don't work well on out shared land. On one hand i was so pleased people wanted to come, on another embarrassed and disappointed that we couldn't do justice to Elvera's fantastic performance. I am now of the opinion that having our own dedicated island is not just a 'nice to have' but essential to maintain and grow the type of events we want to do. The big problem is of course money and people to help. Its a bigger commitment on which I would want to involve more people to help run it. Its also a risk, but this is were commitment and passion is tested. If we really really want to see the Purple Rose Grow and flourish we have to take this step very quickly or we will get a bad reputation.

Back to Elvera. She was brilliant ! Best i have every heard from her and the guests loved it. I was proud to have her there. Id like to have her perform again soon but maybe i have to think seriously about this lag issue first.

Bridge over troubled water

Having my own sim has definitely made me learn
more. Using the terraform tools I created a little
stream going through the sim, and made a little
bridge. I've also been doing some animations !!
I don't think sine wave has anything to worry about, but I reserve the right to be a little pleased myself with the results.

On another note I met a group of Christians in SL last night who are building a church. God told them to have a presence in SL !!!!! Well maybe he did, who am i to say otherwise. Really nice people, though I did face a bit of a barrage of scripture and rhetoric from some of them. Just another of example of the blurring lines between colliding worlds.

Melting Heart

My first life partner expressed to me today that he was missing me. "What !", I exclaimed, "but I'm always here ", but of course I know what he means. Its so easy to neglect the first life things that mean so much, and then, before you know it, you have a problem. Recently, I think I have worked so much harder in maintaining second life relationships than in first life. Thats so bad !
I wonder how often first life relationships are hurt or destroyed as a result of second life induced neglect. Its hard enough to meet and start a life with that special person without putting it all at risk. Just shows how important my second life has become.

So I have to keep the Rose running, maintain staff and member interest, work on a growth plan, and work hard to give myself to the love of my life. ( of which he is so absolutely deserving) . *sigh* a woman's work is never done.

I'm really sorry D. You know I Love you.

From Ecstasy to Agony.

So... 5 to 6 weeks stretching out in front me without my inspiration.
Its going to be tough.

I'm really struggling with knowing what to do with the Purple Rose. In my mind, its never yet had a stable schedule or more importantly a solid foundation of employees(for want of a better word). We have always desperately been in need of a core of 5-6 people who are committed, reliable and dedicated. As its stands at the moment, when real-life gets in the way for Kaya, Kezzy and I, the Rose grinds to halt. To be a credible venue in SL i think the customers have got to see that the schedule and 'atmosphere' is maintained constantly. When there are only a very small number of you it can be exhausted to keep things running and fresh.

The other problem is Money. SL is a highly capitalistic economy, probably part of its US origin, which means that people generally put been paid for doing things a higher priority that just having fun. So generally speaking the people who do come along and express a work interested have less of a passion, more of an attitude of economic interest. I don't think this is unreasonable, just not really what we need for the rose. The rose is about friends, community, art and music. Making money has never been high on the agenda.

so.... My misson for the next couple of days is too try and think of a dynamic, fresh, schedule that can be staffed and works to a reasonable budget. Hmmmm going to be tough challenge me thinks.

A hole in my heart for 4 weeks.

Kaya - the object of my SL affection, my best friend in the world, My business partner at the Purple Rose, is going to be away for 4-5 weeks due to a lack of Internet connection.

I just don't know what I'm going to do !!!!!!! Theres going to be a BIG hole in my heart, only those who know me closely will understand. Kaya has been the focus of my electric dreams for almost 6 years now, its hard to imagine how I'm going to cope without him being there. This had made me realise how few friends and associations I've actually made. I'm quite shy really and of tan find it hard to brake through the barrier of formality and form meaningful friendships. Maybe I should take this time of forced singleness to make a few more friends.

This also means I'm going to have to take the primary role for direction the Purple Rose. I really hate taking responsibilities. I'm oh so happy to give opinions but i like someone else to make the decision !! KEZZZZZZZZZ HELLLLLP

Catch up !

Gosh, so much to catch up on. I went away on RL holiday and since i've been back things have been a bit Manic in SL. I only have a small set of friends in SL, but they are amazing people. Without their support I wouldnt last 5 minutes in the this MAD world.

Two main points of news. I now own my own low prim sim YAY !!! With land prices crashing at the moment i took the plunge. Its so good to have my own space I can play with. At the moment, im trying to give it a bit of a Goth feel. Not that Im in any way a Goth but i like the styles. Another side effect of all this is that I have finally began to make stuff rather than buy everything, and i really enjoy doing it. I have an excellent tutor though !!!

Second Point ?? Hmm deserves its own section i think.

The Sound of Purple Silence

Mood : Happy, expectations.

It's been a quiet week at the Purple Rose. Although Kaya, Kezzy and I do lots of hours, when we are all busy in Real life, the Rose becomes deserted. Despite been a wonderful atmosphere, Its us that give the Purple Rose panache. What we really need is involvement from more people. This is quite a difficult issue, as people have different ideas as to what involvement actually is. Many see involvement as work, a paid job. SL has a very capitalistic society. We see it as building a spirit of community something wonderful to get involved in. Getting the right people with a sense of passion rather than just economic aspirations is difficult. I think its going to take a lot of time to find people me thinks.

We have recently been introduced to two new friends Scia and Voice. Both have passion and I hope they enjoy and develop their involvement in the Purple Rose.

I'm off on Holiday from real life drudgery for 2 whole weeks now YEAH!!!!! Ill be in Venice next week with no contact to email or SL *OMG*, how hard is that !!!! Ill be taking lots of snaps for the purpose's of collecting building textures. *OMG* How sad is that !!!

Real life Photos - Shock and awe.

Last time, my best SL friend Kezzy, showed me some pictures she had taken at a real-life SL social meet up. Every time I see pictures of the real people behind the character, I have this completely illogical awe and shock response. Another one of these things that I seem to have no understanding about. Why is it so strange to me ? My RL job is all about meeting people and communicating, but to suddenly see the embodiment of people that I chat with in SL just freaks me out !!!

I think I feed on this anonymity thing a bit. Maybe, just maybe, SL gives me something that i just seem to not be able to get in RL, therefore when reality creeps in my whole dream feels threatened.

In a interesting discussion with Kezzy, she told me that 'what you see is what you get'. I wish I could be like that. My life is full of contradictions, insecurities, broken promises and secrets. If I had a saying it would have to be 'What you see is what you get, on that day, at that time, no guarantees going forward' :-)

Have you heard that song , I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner and a saint' . Yep that's me. Does that make me bad ?

Im Confused.

For six years now I lived in a verity of 'online worlds' ( I prefer the term Metaverse), and I still dont really understand why im there. There are so many different elements to the reasons why I feel the need to exsist in the Metaversa. Most of them make no sence, and some of them are down right unhealthly. This blog is my attempt to unravel my thoughts and feeling so i can finally decide what im doing.



These six years has been an amazing Journey. I think there are two main featues of virtual world content. Firstly there are the game elements that have been designed and put in by the creators. Secondly there is the real game - the societies and social mechanisms that are created by the players, and this I think is the were the real attraction lies. I have soared through the skys, taking part in great space battles, but after a short while that just becomes boring. Interacting with my friends, learning from them and sharing with them, both my virtual experiance and RL encounters is where the real sweet spot lies.



Through all this, I have fiercy preserved my RL anonimity. I think this is some what unsual as may people I have know have gone on to build good strong, interactive real time freindships. However i've always maintaind the seperation between one world and the next, this is becoming more difficult as new 'voice chat' mechanism are creeping into games, and I have noticed there is a growing expectations that these should be used. I must admit to feeling a little threatened by this.